Suicide Prevention

Hello everyone.

Monday, 10th Sept. 2018 was Worldwide Suicide Prevention Day. It’s a bit of a touchy subject for most people. It’s easier to give into the fear of giving people ideas andBlack hole of the soul not talk about it. Yet all too often it is the unheard voice that causes surprise. And pain.

With this in mind, let’s look at suicide in relation to acquired brain injury survivors.

Ordinarilly I address subjects with an even handedness: serious reflection on one hand, a bit of entertainment on the other. I cannot do it this month.

Instead, if you are questioning yourself in this way I urge you to reach out to someone you trust – someone who will neither discourage you nor encourage you, but will give you their caring attention.

Two helplines to turn to are Headway UK and The Samaritans.

HeadwayHelp
Samaritans

For one-to-one, face-to-face help in and around Norwich, Norfolk, my counselling sessions are available at these times:

Monday to Wednesday = 5pm to 8pm. Thursdays = 9am to 8pm.

Contact: sean@seanhindle.co.uk or on 0777 552 0302. If you cannot reach me immediately, please leave a message. I will get back to you after 4pm.

Spot the Signs

These are the most common signs. But let’s look again at them in respect of someone living with a brain injury. In this case, it’s helpful to keep in mind their new personality as you’ve come to recognise it.

  • Sudden calmness: Is this out of character? Following an ABI, some people’s body language becomes hard to interpret. Some people are left with a lack of emotion.
  • Excessive sadness or moodiness: Again, is this the new norm? With little or no short-term memory, there’s no dwelling on things for long; emotions change in stoccarto fashion. Social inhibition and emotional control may be a manifestation of brain injury alone.
  • Withdrawal: Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities are possible symptoms of depression. Though just as true of brain injury sufferers, I’d weigh this with their motivation – as discussed last month.
  • Changes in personality and/or appearance: The “new” personality, that is. A person considering suicide might exhibit a change in attitude or behavior. Has (s)he become less bothered about their own safety and/or personal appearance?
  • Threatening suicide: For some people, “I wish I was dead” is as much a casual expression as “Sometimes I could…”; they say it without meaning it. Even so, every threat of suicide should be taken seriosly.
  • Dangerous or self-harmful behavior: A sensitive time for those with a brain injury (especially if recent) is when he or she begins to realise for themselves the extent of their cognitive difficulties. Bereavement, anger, addiction, recklessness or intentional self-harm – any can be triggered around this time. Another key time is when depression reduces and motivation increases.
  • Making preparations: Often, able people deeply considering suicide will begin to plan. The plan may include “For after I’m gone” behaviours – to take care of loved ones “left behind”, for example. Even if such organisation is impossible for an individual they may, over time, learn where and when oportunities present themselves.

It’s easy to get alarmed reading these kind of lists. Has the list prompted a memory of something you found odd at the time? Has something someone’s said struck you as odd? Talking openly as possible to those that matter about any of the above can reduce the intensity of such discomfort.

Okay. I’ve rambled again. I’m a bit late with my posting this month too. Sorry.

I shall be quicker next month..

Empathy v Sympathy

Hello everyone. This month’s post is in response to another recent email. A counsellor who, unlike myself, prefers to keep her brain injury under wraps from clients unless they ask.

There is no hard rule about it. I had my own discussions over it in supervision. For me too, how I share my experience was and is important. My most important question was: “Who really benefits from my openess?”

Answer: My therapeutic relationship with whoever my client is at the time.

Empathy
Seeing through the eyes and walking in the shoes of someone else

On the back of my business card, and on my website, I highlight that there is more to my work / life experience and skills than brain injury. It’s just that I have a more instantaneous empathy when it comes to the issues around having a brain injury than a non-brain injured counsellor.

Of course, not all clients arrive having read my website. My limp and poor co-ordination make themselves casually obvious. Together they make a warm, but brief ice-breaker. The briefer, the better. If brain injury is the issue, it is as unique for that client as mine is to me.

(Mirroring)

Speaking of “instantaneous empathy”, I feel inclined to share a conversation I had with my neurologist about it. But before I do, here’s something to whet your appetite. Click here for a cartoon on empathy. It is narrated by Brene Brown, a reasearcher-cum-storyteller.

Here’s my own story: During one of my regular appointmets with my neurologist a few years back, he did his usual thing of asking how life was going, how well I was managing my everyday work, and if I’d yet finished my training.

“Not yet,” I told him. “But I am doing some voluntary counselling on placement. In fact, the funniest thing happened last month and I wonder if you can shed some scentific light on what happened.”

I then went into a bit of a ramble about listening to and observing my client – and myself. I realised whenever my body mirrored his way of sitting. Or copied one of his gesticulations. Anyway, in the middle of doing all this, I began to get a deep sense of my client’s wider world. By that I meant my client’s hidden emotions and his unspoken distractions. It all felt so tangible, it was as if I was being him.

“Read this!” said my consultant excitedly. He quickly scribbled me a yellow post-it note. It read: “Mirror neurons”. My neurologist told me some studies had been carried out on elephants and had discovered that they too may very well have empathy. It was all down to mirror neurons located in the frontal lobe.empathic elephant

I could go on about how sympathy is often unhelpful. But I’m sure that’s a given to a lot of you out there. Above all you want people to understand what it is like to see through your eyes, walk in your shoes. Or not get up from a wheelchair for the most part of the day.

I’ll leave you with a hero of mine, Dr. Vilayanur Ramachandran, and his Ted Talk on “The Neurons that Shaped Civilisation”. Be warned, though. It runs over 7 mins.

No yawning at the back!

Enjoy.